The Mattopian Blahg

28 August 2022

Turns out the legend is real.

While rummaging through boxes of papers and other stuff from my parents’ house, I stumbled on a lost gem in my personal history.

On occasion I’ve regaled colleagues and friends with a story or two from my childhood. One involved a class assignment — not sure when; might’ve been in the third grade — in which we were asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

In classic fashion, I said I wanted to be an “x-cop.”

Makes me think of Minions: The Rise of Gru, in which young Gru says he wants to grow up to be a “super villain.”

Now, with that assignment back in my hands, I remember my parents being so amused by my wanting to go straight to being an ex-cop. No doubt, that’s why this Mattsterpiece has survived through the years. “What about being a cop first?” Naturally, they also asked, “Where’d you get that idea, anyway?”

Well, once a movie junkie, always a movie junkie.

Think about it. In movies and TV, ex-cops always have more fun. They bend the rules. They make things happen. It’s an honorable tradition that includes Harrison Ford (Blade Runner), Mel Gibson (Mad Max) and Liam Neeson (seems like almost every movie he’s made lately, but let’s go with Taken; that’s a good one because it involves Neeson’s character searching for his daughter, who went to Europe to follow U2).

That’s ultimately what I wanted to do: make things happen. And, yeah, as it happens, I follow U2 on tours.

As fate would have it, I never became a cop, so my hopes and dreams of being an ex-cop have been forever dashed.

Instead, I’m living the dream of an ex-accountant. It pains me to even admit accounting was ever a part of my life, but there it is.

Nonetheless, so far, the story of Mattopia Jones has been one of remarkable progress. My spelling is much better, my dreams even bigger.

I guess I was thinking of snow when I put “badweather” and “shovle” in the same sentence. No idea what I was thinking with the “Pinto” reference. Surely I wasn’t thinking of the “rolling death trap.” Very happy to say, though, I do spend my money wisely. And I absolutely love my MINI Cooper S Hardtop.

I can also proudly say I’ve retained the same sophisticated neo-expressionist artistic sensibility on display here. I have, however, traded in Crayola Crayons for the Apple Pencil.

20 August 2022

Wow. It’s been two years since the last Blahg post. Time flies.

I’ve been reorganizing stuff in my garage and I came across a set of old notebooks, each one a collection of scribbles, most written in the dark (while watching movies as a member of the reviewing press).

Then I stumbled on a small section of surprisingly legible notes which recounted a humorous incident at the concessions stand at the Regal Continental on 2 July 2018 prior to an advance screening of Ant-Man and the Wasp.

It was a long day and I needed a cup of coffee to fuel me through the movie.

The kid at the counter said they didn’t have fresh coffee. They’d have to brew it. “It’ll be 6 to 5 minutes.”

Direct quote from my notes:

“‘At this point in my life, it’s well documented the world is out to get me. But take a step back and look at the world. I like my odds.’ — Mattopia Jones”


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