Mattopian Whoop Ass!
Tales of whoopin' ass are as old as mankind.
Be a part of this fine tradition with Mattopian Whoop Ass! fresh from the source.
Each can of Mattopian Whoop Ass! now features nitrogen pack technology for greater freshness and potency.
Mattopian Whoop Ass! Extra Harsh: For when you're miffed enough to send the very best
Mattopian Whoop Ass! Classic: The original recipe, handed down
from generation to generation
Mattopian Whoop Ass! Lite: A special blend for those
mild annoyances
Phone 555.BUY.MATT for current price list and ordering assistance.
Notes and CYA Disclaimers: Volume discounts on Mattopian Whoop Ass! are available for those with proof of Mattopian citizenship.
Some oppressive countries prohibit the importing of Mattopian Whoop Ass! Contact your travel agent for country-specific customs information prior to traveling.
Some uptight companies forbid the use of Mattopian Whoop Ass! during business hours. Please consult your human resources department for clarification.
Due to the risk of birth defects, Mattopian Whoop Ass! is not recommended for use by women who are pregnant or expecting to become pregnant within the next 10 years.